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- Groucho MarxMy wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.- Jimmy DuranteI have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.- Zsa Zsa GaborOnly Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.- Alex LevineMy luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.- Rodney DangerfieldMoney can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.- Spike MilliganUntil I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.- Joe NamathI don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.- Bob HopeI never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it...- W. C. FieldsWe could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.- Will RogersDon't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.- Winston ChurchillMaybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But. Put the chords in the organ keys and play your heart out. Don’t tell them the way the clouds gather in the other organ player, and how you have to guess and you guess wrong. And if wrong guesses are right guesses, if you are just going along to keep the thing rolling when you don’t want this thing to roll at all—then you give up and you stand up from the organ and you walk the hell away—but you have always been polite, to the point of the mast head of self-ridicule. You have always never bothered when you bothered so much. Never cared when you cared so very much. Others don’t care. The other organ players. They sing the same tunes and expect you to join them in there too. And they don’t mind if you drop out, giving up explanations, giving up the livery stable where there is the beast of yourself you would like to ride out on, and the wind would be hot and the mirage would be just for you, and these keys would not be here under your fingertips riding you and you would make the desert.
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